Addicted

Okay, so I have no clue what it is, but I'm addicted. Totally engrossed. Like, would spend all day in this activity.

I'm addicted to the Twilight books.

*Hangs head in shame* Yes, I know. I'm such a romantic sap.

Here's the thing though. I really, honestly, do not have any clue what is so alluring to me about them. The story is good. It's a totally different approach on things that most American's would consider horror. The tale is totally romantic. And heaven knows I'm a romantic sap. The plot line is intense...for me at least. Once I start reading, it's really, really hard for me to put the book down. I get absorbed by the story. I can actually see it being played out in my head. Which, true, isn't really hard for me to do if it's a good book. It's why I enjoy reading so much.

But there's something else. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I think it's because I can relate myself to Bella. Not completely, but there are small parts there that remind me of me.

For example:

*disclaimer* I'm going to put details here so please don't read this if you want to be surprised. *end disclaimer*

In the second book, Edward leaves Bella. Her one true love. The man....err...vampire, she wants to spend the rest of her life...wait, eternity with. Okay, this is going to be harder than I thought. Boy leaves girl. There we go.

So when boy leaves, girl breaks down. Not just a "omg it's the end of the world how will I ever go on without him" breakdown. She stops functioning. For the first week or so, she can't eat or sleep or really live. She's totally...well, broken. The one person that completed her has abandoned her and left her in pieces. Emotional pieces that take it's toll on her outside.

I was like that once. Sometimes...I still feel like that. Broken. I spent most of my young adult life feeling like that. Shattered from the inside out. Feeling abandoned, worthless, and not wanting to live. Not just because of a boy either. That came later... My problems before him were closer to home.

In any case, that may be why I enjoy the book so much. I can relate.

I'm on book four now. Not very far in but I'm at the point where Bella and Edward get married. It brings back so many memories. She's so enthralled with the love of her...existence...haha...that she completely forgets everything and everyone around her. She's locked into his eyes, his face, his very being. It's how I was at our wedding. Nothing else mattered. I was focused on the love of my life. I had a hard time looking at him a couple of times because I wanted to burst into tears. I felt so loved...so unworthy of his love...and so very blessed.

It's been over a year now and I'm still married to the love of my life. The one person in this world I can't imagine being without. I would have no future if it weren't for him. He's kept me happy, settled, and sane...well somewhat. I pray that I never look at him in any other way than the unconditional love I feel for him. I pray that my eyes continue to light up when I see his face or hear his voice. I pray my heart continues to flutter a little every time I see an e-mail or text from him, no matter what it says.

I never had to make a choice the way the heroine of our story does, but I can relate to her. I do feel the way she feels about Edward about my Jeremy. I love him.